YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF NOW…

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers…” Randall Graves, RST Video, c.1992

The above is a line I like to quote at times from one of my all-time favourite movies, “Clerks”.

It comes at the conclusion of a vignette, which highlights the stupidity of the general public.

And, let’s face it, we’ve all had to deal with people from the shallow end of the gene pool from time to time.

But, late yesterday afternoon, the following article hit the Age’s website, causing me to re-assess all that by which one could measure the level of individual stupidity.

So, let’s get this straight, based on the facts as they are stated in the plaintiff’s claim:

Drunk woman attempts a squirt (not the sexy kind) off a verandah.

Drunk woman falls off said verandah.

Drunk woman’s fall is broken when she impales her groin on picket fence below.

Drunk woman lodges claim in the Victorian Supreme Court, seeking compensation from the owner of the home for costs, pain, suffering and loss of income.

Words.

Fucking.

Fail.

Me.

While some civil claims raise eyebrows and encourage a round of universal “what the hell-ing?” accompanied by forehead-slapping disbelief, the above case must surely rate as the new gold standard of effrontery when it comes to taking responsibility for one’s actions and judgement.

Effectively, the plaintiff is saying that her injuries are the fault of the homeowner failing to supply her a safe place to fall over while attempting to take a piss in a setting not designed to execute said bodily function.

I’m having trouble stretching the boundaries of my imagination far enough to comprehend where someone feels they deserve to be compensated for trying to take a piss where a person shouldn’t have been trying to take a piss while pissed.

One can only hope that in the course of legal argument, the defendant’s team can illustrate to the court that a far safer device – known universally to people who have a clue as a toilet or water closet (WC) – was indeed provided for revellers at said premise.

You and I, our sporting clubs, our workplaces, our kids school’s, local councils and various institutional bodies – even voluntary organisations like the Red Cross – face exasperatingly high public liability premiums because of dickheads who somehow believe that they, in no way, need to accept responsibility for their actions.

This place wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t surrounded by so many fucking numpties…

We follow this case with great interest.

Unless, of course, the plaintiff’s legal team is taking the piss.

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One thought on “YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF NOW…

  1. Kevin Smith is a genius for writing that line. We live in a world where this happens and where every second commercial after 9pm is about erection problems. You know when that idiot makes the call for the rapture every 6 months I do at times hope he is right sometimes

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