LUKE SKYWALKER & THE M.R.P

This past week the annual San Diego ‘Comic Con’ has come and gone, to spectacular success.

If you don’t know what Comic Con is, think of it as like the AVN awards for Geeks, but there’s no awards. Also unlike the AVN’s it’s a large amount of people who have never had sex before all gathering in the same place at once.

Ok, so thinking about it, perhaps the AVN/Comic Con analogy is flawed, but its lots of people in the one place, at the one time, all wet in their respective nether regions celebrating a form of media and entertainment they’re passionate about and a lot of people dressed up in ways they think honors the occasion.

Anyway, I digress…

My four loves; Star Wars, the Apollo Program Essendon FC and *ahem* Adult Entertainment

My favourite film of all time is Star Wars. Nothing before, or since has compared to the magic and amazement of the cinematic experience of seeing Star Wars for the first time back in 1977.

Although I was only five years-old at the time, I still vividly remember seeing and hearing for the first time the Fox fanfare; the immortal words; “A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away…” appearing on a blackened screen, the opening notes of John Williams’ universally recognised theme music making me jump in my seat; the excitement and tension as the Rebel Blockade Runner (a CR90 Corellian Corvette, to be precise) attempts to outrun a giant Imperial Star Destroyer (an Imperial Class II Star Destroyer, natch) and then the terror as Darth Vader enters the stricken Rebel fighter.

Which brings me to the crux of today’s musings.

In much the same way as Dante and Randall ponder the fate of those building the second Death Star in Clerks, for some inexplicable reason, this morning I awoke considering the fate of the captured Rebel troops.

Although Darth Vader instructs an officer to “send a distress signal and then inform the Senate that all aboard were killed…” one can only assume that unless there was wholesale genocide of the captured Rebel troops carried out on Vader’s Star Destroyer, they were taken back to the Death Star, along with Princess Leia to be interrogated. If they didn’t, I’m no Sun Tzu but that would have been a major tactical blunder on the part of Vader and his officers, and suggests that they possibly didn’t deserve to have such a ‘technological terror’ that was the Death Star, at their disposal.

I’m left wondering; was Luke Skywalker so seriously pussy-whipped that in his haste to rescue Princess Leia, (cell 2187) he ignores the plight of the captured soldiers, ultimately leaving them behind to die in the immense fireball that ensues when he, personally, destroys the Death Star?

Have we been venerating a possible war criminal all this time?

Don’t forget; the Leaders of the Rebel Alliance gave Luke a medal for blowing up the Death Star. Did anyone think for a moment that there was likely to be Rebel troops imprisoned on said space station?

Did the top brass of the Alliance consider its frontline soldiers to be so horrifically expendable that they just threw their hands up and said “meh, well… we got the Death Star” then went quietly about the business of shredding the personnel files of missing troops who made the ultimate sacrifice for the glory of the rebellion?

Should that spoilt bitch Princess Leia have, at some point in her rescue said; “no, wait boys. I don’t feel good about this. I’m royalty and all, but we’re an underground Rebellion, resources are a bit skinny at the moment… we have to go back and save these guys from being tortured by the Empire’s Gestapo Agents and possibly giving up valuable secrets about the Alliance…”?

How many existing officers on the verge of meritorious promotion did Luke leapfrog into the rank of Commander on the back of one of the worst ‘friendly fire’ massacres in military history?

War – make no mistake about it – is hell.

And now I have a headache…

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4 thoughts on “LUKE SKYWALKER & THE M.R.P

  1. I am currently send a long email to the War Crimes tribunal to have George Lucas put on trial. For the above reasons and of course for episode 1,2 and 3 except for the Yoda/Duku fight and when Obi Won tore Anakin a new ass on the lava river.

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