Declaring War on Food Wankerey

People who know me are well aware that I am a conscientious objector when it comes to the ‘Reality TV’ wars.

My Kitchen Rules, The Block, and whatever the hell else suburban Australia is losing its shit shit over.

I have to confess, however, that I’ve been subjected to a few episodes of the latest series of Masterchef Australia; about a cumulative three to three and a half hours or so.

Congrats to the winner, Brent Owens and commiseration to the freakishly talented 19 year old, Laura Cassai, who was the runner up.

So… I was discussing one of the episodes with a friend who’s a writer, where the show tried to ‘re-imagine’ apricot chicken.

Firstly: I am a white, Gen X male from the western suburbs of Melbourne. Apricot chicken does not need ‘re-imagining’, okay? Let’s get that straight.


So anyway, Hugh and I are talking about the episode where Apricot chicken was the challenge dish.

Like a number of the contestants, the show’s producers and the hosts Gary Mehigan, George Calombaris and Matt Preston, Hugh was aghast that chicken was ever mixed with apricot nectar – as if it was a gratuitous waste of poultry and an effrontery to good taste, refinement and style on a par with brown corduroy flares and desert boots.

Which would all be fine – we’re entitled to our opinions – except the same people who are coming at the time-honoured, traditional apricot chicken with garlic, crosses and pitchforks are also losing their shit over BEETROOT FLAVOURED ICE-CREAM.




Yes. Beetroot fucking ice cream.

Don’t dare mix poultry with stone fruit, but by all means, lets put a root vegetable with frozen sugar and cream.

Give me a fucking spell.

One thought on “Declaring War on Food Wankerey

  1. I stumbled across your website and just had a REALLY good laugh at the apricot chicken story, because…
    its very funny; I’m working on some paleo cookbook for some teenage writer; it’s late Friday afternoon; its increasingly hard to get good writing gigs (or anything you are paid properly for) and it was very clever. So well done.. mb

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